In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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