You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
