Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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