i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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