dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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