FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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