so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize