I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
