Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
