I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
