the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
