omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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