Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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