we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize