went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
