dude i'm inner monologue high
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
