P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
