Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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