So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
