his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
