Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
