My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Semen is not good for contacts.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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