I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
