she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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