I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize