i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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