i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
