Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
