mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
