Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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