So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
