Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
