why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
