Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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