This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
