I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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