If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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