Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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