Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
