The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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