Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
