there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
