if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize