What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
