what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
