i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
