Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
