Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
