last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
