Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
