Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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