wakey wakey hands off snakey
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just high enough for therapy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
