...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
