Your dad touched me again.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize