ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize