Your tits are I can't wait for
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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