Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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