I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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