Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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