We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
