Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
