uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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