Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
