She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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