Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
