Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
