I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
