She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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