4 words: hood of his car
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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