Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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