I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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