So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize