wanna go halves on a baby?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
