Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
