Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
