I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
