Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
