Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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