Did you just see the Batmobile???
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
